Simple Enhancements To Existence

(reposted from 11/22/2010)

“God is in the details.” Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

 I learned of this quote when I was designing and building my home. It is attributed to the field of architecture, but I believe that it applies to all facets of life. I am continually amazed at how the little things make such a big difference between a high-quality subsistence, and just living.

What brought this to the surface was the recent installation of a new sink faucet in my kitchen. When I moved into the new space, the sink was shallow, and the existing faucet was flat. As I attempted to make coffee, clean dirty pans, fill the container to water my plants, etc., it became a real chore. The new faucet is beautiful, and it allows access.  I find myself drifting to the kitchen to do things, instead of procrastinating. My kitchen is more functional now. It wasn’t expensive, and it didn’t take a lot of time to install, but it makes a huge difference.

This made me laugh at myself, and of course, it made me think.

The simple things mean the most. That little bit of extra effort and expense can be the difference between great and ordinary.

I choose to live on the immense side of life; I choose to run from the mundane. At this point, I have had enough mediocrity. I think about how many marriages could have been saved, if each party had put forth a little more effort. I think about the difference between a new Honda Accord, and an Acura TL. I think about how much better our relationships with our family would be, if we took a few moments to listen with genuine interest. I think about how much more successful we would be if we gave our careers a measly 5% more effort.

Most of our problems could be turned around by this simple concept.

“When the solution is simple, God is answering.”  Albert Einstein

A couple of extra dollars, a extra moment of eye contact and a smile, ten seconds to respond to an e-mail; it all adds up. It creates inner wealth and prosperity.

This is what separates the happy from the stale. This is what separates the winners from the survivors. This is what separates a full life from merely being.

Take one more step and quality will follow.

My new faucet simply makes me smile!

Fall is right around the corner....

It’s that time of year again.

I’m getting restless.

Anxious, excited, happy, depressed, irritable, yet focused.

Still hoping and waiting for love to come about.

I have impatiently waited these many years for Ms. Right to make an appearance.

It hasn’t happened.

I have taken some stupid detours, and poor decisions have diverted true progress.

I have been hurt.

I have unintentionally hurt a few.

I have learned many valuable lessons.

I have met some beautiful women.

I have made new friends.

At the same time I feel that I have become jaded and cynical, I am filled with hope and optimism.

The hardest pill to swallow is the erosion of my wide-eyed innocence, but it is necessary. No more Santa Clause or Easter Bunny. No more sappy Hollywood romances. No more letting my heart completely rule the day. It’s time for my adult mind to guide the way.

I was looking back through some of my old e-mail correspondence today.

With the assistance of some very wonderful single friends (RR, ESM) I have analyzed, philosophized, and studied relationships from top to bottom.

It's amazing that I don't know more than I do.

I should be able to write the book.

At this point, I am often as confused as ever.

I consider myself to be a passionate person.

It’s difficult for passionate people to find healthy, fulfilling relationships.

In my opinion, the ideal relationship for me would be one where I can't wait to see her, or talk to her, and she feels the same way about me.

I'm not certain that this is possible, because it involves letting go of self, and risking becoming truly interconnected.

This goes against everything that our culture shoves down our throat.

We are supposed to be strong and independent.

We are not supposed to depend on another person to achieve happiness and fulfillment.

In light of my personal inability to engage a healthy relationship, perhaps seeking a situation that provides the milk without needing to purchase the cow would be a potential solution for filling the gaps. I could approach it as a form of training. I could keep my kissing muscles in tip-top shape.

The problem is that this never works for a passionate person.

It only works for the "Woody Allen" brain dead. (see embedded YouTube clip)

I have attempted to engage this type of relationship in the past.

On one hand it was accommodating and liberating, but it ultimately became boring and uninteresting.

I am becoming more and more convinced that there are three types of available, single people out there.

1. The unfeeling or disinterested. 65%

2. The passionate gone crazy or numb. 34%

3. The grounded passionate. 1%

As you can see, the odds are stacked against me.

I am tired of placing effort into the "emotionally unavailable", or attempting to have some of my needs met in a "casual relationship". These are Band-Aids at best. These types of engagements prolong the inevitable, and are ultimately misdirected effort. Time ticks away. Exertion is expended. Treading water in the pool of life is the image that comes to mind.

God, I am so tedious. I am picky and this leads to a measure of isolation. How could I ever expect someone to be willing to deal with this person that I am? I live in a continual state of self examination. I guess…. if rejection and failure builds character, then I have a ton of character in my bank account. I change those things that I can, and I stick to my values and boundaries regarding those things that are important to me.

So, where is the hope and optimism? It exists in the fact that I know myself better than at any other time in my life. I have tested the limits of what I am able to accommodate, and this has resulted in a clear understanding of my boundaries. I surrender myself to the fact that I have little to no control over my destiny, with regard to finding the elusive Ms. Right, and providence will prevail in the end. All I can do is be open to what life presents, and let the chips fall where they may.

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I think that I can actually see something truly incredible. In the mean time……..

Maybe she will find me this fall.

Lisa

Although she has mixed ethnicity, she is very Italian, like a Ferrari.

I think that it is beautiful how the Italians will meld art and function.

I believe that it is part of their culture.

When I am on her, she now fits me perfectly, and I am beginning to feel like 'one' with her.

Like my arm.

I think left, and we move left.

I think stop, and we stop.

It's all about putting in the miles, to where you get to that place of cohesiveness.

At that point, the ride is no longer about the present, but about enjoying the journey, and focusing on the destination.

Then you can smile.

Ghosts Appear And Fade Away

“I can't get to sleep

I think about the implications

Of diving in too deep

And possibly the complications

Especially at night

I worry over situations

I know I'll be alright

Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears

Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear

Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets

Only brings exasperation

It's time to walk the streets

Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights

And though there's little variation

It nullifies the night from overkill”

-          Colin Hay

Step, by tedious step, I stumble away from abject failure.

Alas, it has been another good day.

Thoughts on Aging

"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."

--Eleanor Roosevelt 

I have been thinking a lot lately about the aging process. What I have observed, seemingly, is that in the first half of life, it’s relatively easy to guess someone’s approximate age, whereas in the back half of life, determining someone’s age is much more difficult. Sure, genetics is a factor, but I believe that your ancestry plays a minimal role in determining how well you age. What if we decided to stop tracking our age? How old would we be if there wasn’t a number attached to it? 

I believe that the core of who you are doesn’t change much as you age. Your body changes, but you are always essentially the same person. Those that choose to live life with pessimism, and those that relish the role of the victim, are prime candidates to embrace their age as another excuse to confirm that their outlook on life is justified. On the other hand, those that live life, peering through eyes that are optimistic and hopeful, will see aging as the time to reap a bountiful harvest, and feel comfort in knowing that they have a bank account that is full of knowledge. 

The benefit of aging is that you understand, for the most part, how your life worked out. The unknown future is no longer a significant factor, as it was when we were young. We never stop learning and developing, but we are now free to apply newly found knowledge in a way that was never possible when we were younger. 

There are two key attributes that I have noticed as ‘common threads’, with regard to people that appear more youthful than their age;

1. A playful spirit. I find that those people who believe that play is to be taken seriously, and have the ability to sort through, and balance the serious side of life, always have a youthful glow and vibrancy about them. Those that cease playing, grow old.
2. The ability to love. Being able to love is the great preserver of youth, and inevitably, those that radiate youth, have a caring, giving, nurturing, and compassionate nature. Maybe this is where the term ‘young at heart’ comes from. 

Thank God that wrinkles aren't painful. The key is to make sure that your heart and soul don’t develop wrinkles. 

Eubie Blake, at the age of 100, said; "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." I don’t think that Eubie was just talking about his body.

Second Law

You might be wondering why I titled this blog “Second Law”. Here is my explanation.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics is commonly known as the Law of Increased Entropy. "Entropy" is defined as a measure of unusable energy within a closed or isolated system (the universe for example). As usable energy decreases and unusable energy increases, "entropy" increases. Entropy is also a gauge of randomness or chaos within a closed system. As usable energy is irretrievably lost, disorganization, randomness and chaos increase.

Isn’t that the way that everything seems to go? Isn’t this a deep-seated rule of life? Doesn’t everything seem to constantly unravel and change? Life, death, and rebirth. I contend that this is not just a law related to physics. We are constantly living with this, because in the bigger picture, it exists everywhere. Our environment, our relationships, our careers, and our health eventually fall into a state of increasing entropy. From the moment that anything is conceived, it begins to fall apart.

At first glance, this sounds bad, but the truth is that there is a lot of opportunity associated with this phenomenon. Along with the eventual disentanglement of everything, comes the birth of new things. Nothing is ever lost, but instead it is reborn. When the great physicist Stephen Hawking proposed that anything that fell into a black hole was lost forever, it created quite the uproar in the scientific community, because this violated another fundamental law of physics. Eventually Mr. Hawking capitulated, and agreed that the information that fell into a black hole was indeed not lost. Understanding that there is a continuous cycle of death and rebirth, allows us to anticipate and manage change. If you can bring yourself to let go, and ride-the-wave of nature, you can see new opportunities in front of you more clearly. You can seize the day. You can enjoy the moment. You can appreciate the beauty. You can relate to the inevitability of change, and move forward, when others are simply stunned.

Bachelor’s Degree

I finally earned it!

The courses were tough. So much to discover.

Concepts that were foreign to me became my staple.

Information, facts, theories, rules, and reality.

I didn’t always want to believe that some of the things that I learned were valid.

It has been a long road, but I have finally arrived at my designated destination.

I am a bachelor, with all rights, privileges, and responsibilities!